Central and South American political positions. The ‘Deadliest Catch’

Keegan Orange — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:49:16 +0000

I wanted to avoid writing two articles in a row related to television. But since I’ve conceived this one, like that pregnant woman, after a while it just needed to GTFO.

Looking at the numbers of deaths each year for fisherman, like Alaskan King Crab Fisherman in the show ‘Deadliest Catch.’ It does really seem quite dangerous. But it is hard for me to really get excited about this show. Here is how an episode goes: Here comes a wave, whoa. Okay, here comes another wave. Oh no, this sure is hard work for a bagillion dollars an hour. Pfftb, getting paid that much and not learning how to swim, or tuck your pants into your boots, awards no sympathy from me.

Some other ‘deadliest catches’ include friendly trash collectors, whom repeatedly get run down by motorists. (Yeah, turns out they don’t all just fall in and get crushed to death as I thought, either).

HAHA, Yeah, it’s definitely dangerous. A while back I saw a guy get pinned between a trash truck and a telephone pole, it was horrifying. He lived, but spent six weeks in the hospital. – Matt Kinslow

Human crash test dummies also top the charts, and I’d like to note that 39% of fatal crash tests involved alcohol. (isopropyl, the laboratory DUI). Poor little life sized guys, with their soulless glass eyes, and funny looking color coded joints. Wait, what?

These all seem pretty legit. But I’d like to nominate Central and South American political or law enforcement figures to this list. I’d like to see a show titled ‘Deadliest Vote’ or even better, ‘Muerte Votación’ or something. I know in my heart this would be much more exciting to viewers than dodging waves in the North Pacific. All jokes aside. I try to picture at what point a Guatemalan citizen decides he wants to run for chamber of commerce, he must know he is only 20,000 votes away from being tossed off a balcony. A political checkmate known as ‘defenestration’. Maybe it is some intense patriotism, cockyness, or both. But maybe the way to make foreign political figures safer would be to sell a dramatized version of it to TLC.

-Keegan
07/14/2009

I want you to know, Out of respect for David Carradine, I removed the paragraph about Thai Hookers: the ‘Deadliest Snatch’. Maybe I’ll add it to the DVD extras.

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Central and South American political positions. The ‘Deadliest Catch’